Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
