what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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