Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
