is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're too hungover to prance.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
