I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
