It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
