That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.