maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.