We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy