yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.