Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.