Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
