Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
