There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
