You work out of a Hotel?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
