i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
