I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
