I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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