Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
