Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
