So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
