well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is Oprah even human
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
