Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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