What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
