Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
