Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
