If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
