: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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