Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
