Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
