I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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