How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I only lived at night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
