dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
