Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
