I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
