I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
