I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
