Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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