Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
