I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
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I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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