Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
