actually, I'm a sock model
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
