Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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