i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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