I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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