Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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