Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
