There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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