I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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