what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
