You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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