since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
