Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
