We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
