Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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