I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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