i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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