is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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