A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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