'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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