She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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